I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
