she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love accidental penises.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
