I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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