explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
