As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
