I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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