she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You are a genius and a whore.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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