Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
