atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
