Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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