I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
