I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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