I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the high leading the old right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
