i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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