What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
