I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
