What did we do last night that was yellow?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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