Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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