We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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