I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
