my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
