so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
