finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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