apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
