Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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