haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
