You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
