Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
