I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
