she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sex in a hospital.. check
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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