hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
