There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
