Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
