If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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