Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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