I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
