I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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