So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
