To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
