Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
