You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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