What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
