He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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