$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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