Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
