He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
