am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
where are my eyebrows?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
