rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
