she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
