Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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