i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
