It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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