She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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