last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
