don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
