you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
