Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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