gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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