I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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