I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
