I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
