I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
