ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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