just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
