He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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